I called it!
July 22, 2007
I’ve been warning you about the squirrel agenda (world conquest) for some time now. In the past I wrote about squirrels killing dogs, attacking children, women and senior citizens. Today I have some new breaking news to share…
Regrettably it appears the squirrels have begun mobilizing their intelligence gathering forces. For the moment we are under the impression this is a part of their psychwar tactics, not the early signs of a confrontation (though there is always that potential). Here’s the scoop: Squirrels with embedded GPS and other intelligence gathering technology were captured as spies by Iran.
According to the DailyWireless.org, “at least 14 squirrels were arrested by Iranian authorities for espionage”. NPR also ran the story. Iran says the squirrels had GPS and other technology embedded in their bodies. This explains a lot. For a while now I’ve thought some squirrels jumped a little higher then naturally possible.
And as if Cyborg Squrriels weren’t a big enough problem, Iran is blaming us!!! Iran thinks, “[The] Rodents were being used by Western powers in an attempt to undermine the Islamic Republic” …I hope Iran realizes it’s the Furballs before they drop their first nuke.
I also hope this recent news tips some of you fence jockeys and social conformists. We all need to keep our eyes out for Cyborg Squrriels. Inconsistent eye reflections are a reliable indicator of embedded optical technology. Antenna toating tails move more rigidly and will react differently to charged wires. A field taser might be the best way to check a squirrel during interrogation. If one eye pops out or their tail catches on fire it’s a Cyber Squirrel. If it just gets really angry then it’s probably natural and you’d better chuck it ASAP. Even natural squirrels can do a lot of damage. I recommend standing near a lake within squirrel-chucking distance. Swimming to shore usually takes the fight out of ill-tempered vermin.
I’ll leave you with a video taken by a couple invaded by A SINGLE SQUIRREL. The man and women in this film were found mutilated in their home. There was no sign of the squirrel.
Further instructions will follow as additional information is made available. You’ve been warned. Act accordingly.